Roxy to the rescue
by xEmistuckx
Summary: Roxy and Dirk are the best of friends. When something happens to Dirk's apartment, Roxy knows just what to do. Meanwhile, Jake and Dirk are avoiding each other over a fight last year. Ships include a one sided JadexFeferi, DirkxJake, one sided JohnxDave, JohnxKarkat, and RosexKanaya.
1. Chapter 1

Roxy lalonde is sitting on her porch.

Haha, yeah right.

Roxy lalonde is PASSED OUT on her porch.

**Be Dirk:**

You are now Dirk strider and you have come to hang out with your good friend. As you round the corner, you can see Roxy, hanging upside down on her hammock. You sigh.

God, when is this girl not drunk? Everytime you try to have a serious convo with her all she does is fling herself at you and mumble incoherent gurgles. Then she barfs on your shirt.

As an early birthday present, her gift to you was to be sober during your birth-week or whatever that was. Rolal was not the one to make promises. In one hand was an empty wine bottle and in the other, a birthday card.

Looking closer, the card was a cheap card from Walgreens. On the front is a smiley wizard.

"Hope you have a magical birthday!"

If your birthday went anything like last years, it would not be anything near magical. That wizard doesn't know what he was getting in to.

_Flashback?_

No, you can't. Not now, anyway. Roxy is waking up.

**Be Roxy**

"Dirky?" You push your body up. You groan from the pain.

"Sup. How's that birthday present."

"I swear, I'll start tomorrow. Let me get this hangover over with." You drop back onto the hammock. Your head pounds.

Dirk sits next to you, petting your hair. He pushes his foot off the porch, rocking the hammock. Clutching your stomach, you sob.

"Stop, please. It really hurts." You curl up into fetal postion. Dirk pulls his hand away.

"Do you want to lie down? I don't have to hang around here. I'm sure my Bro and Dave need help."

You look up into his orange eyes. You felt so rude sending him home but you drank a little too much, a little too fast. He nods and stands up.

"I'll visit later. Tell Rose I said hi."

"Sure." You mumble. Rose opens the front door.

"Oh, hello Dirk. Is Dave with you?"

"Nah. He's probably on pesterchum though." Though you aren't looking at him, you can hear him walk toward you.

You close your eyes and slow your breathing. Dirk buys your act.

"Rolal fell asleep. Can you bring her up to bed?" Dirk picks you up, cradling you in his arms.

"Of course." Dirk hands you off to Rose, who struggles to hold you. Your arms hang at your sides.

After Dirk leaves, Rose drops you on the couch.

"Hey! He said bed."

"I know. We need to talk."

**Be Rose.**

Once again, your sister has put herself in a state of immense pain. Through therapy sessions, you have discovered that she suppresses natural hurt with such liquids on a daily basis. You hate seeing her like this. If 'fefetasprite' was still around, you could team up with her. Although the sprite had exploded, Nepeta and Feferi visited often.

Not often enough, however.

You are now sitting on the uncomfortable couch, surrounded by the menacing wizards. Roxy is hugging a plush squiddle wizard Kanaya made her for her birthday.

"Please, put down the stuffed octopus."

"It's not an octopus." Roxy snaps. She lovingly wraps her arms around the purple toy. You raise your eyebrows.

"Aren't you a little old for those?"

"I didn't come here to be interrogated, thank you very much." Roxy mutters. Her joyful attitude was clouding over with clouds of wine and headaches.

"You didn't come here at all, I dragged you. Now, can we please have a decent conversation? I have a life too."

"Big fucking surprise. Can I have mine back?"

"I am going to begin with or without you."

"Bye!" Roxy throws her torso into an upright position, just to fall back again.

"Ow."

"Roxy, what are your feelings on Dirk?"

"He's a studmuffin who likes dudes."

You nod and write notes in your notebook. You underline the last part.

"Do you know Jade's 'brother' Jake?"

"Yea." Roxy sighs. Once again, you take note. Roxy rolls to her side, her pink eyes widening.

"Do you know?" She asks.

"Probably." You answer. She is hinting at something so obvious, it isn't even hinting. It's telling.

"Everyone does. I don't know why I told him in the first place."

"Maybe it's because you wanted to have his bobies." You snicker.

"Wow, third time this week. I'm never going to live this down."

"Nope." You shake your head, imagining your gloomy sister in Dirk's face. Her eyes spinning, her outfit a cheery array of rainbows and sugar. You almost wish she could do that again, drown her pain with something other than alcohol.

Drown YOUR pain in something other than alcohol.

**Be Dirk.**

You are now on your way back to your new home. Smoke plumes in the distance.

"Dirk! Grab Mrs. Lalonde and call the fire department!" Your bro waves you down a few blocks away. You can barely hear him, but you do catch, 'call the fire department'.

As the phone rings, you run toward the fire. A skyscraper cuts through your vision of the sky.

The stone is crumbling, throwing embers onto surrounding roads. Smoke is surrounding the building like Damara's smoke. A crown of worry, a halo of destruction.

Is..is that your building?


	2. Chapter 2- Dirk and Dave talk

**I've decided to go all out for ships this time. I've got DirkxJake, DavexJohn, Dirk and Roxy as moirails and an almost nonexistent JadexFeferi. Oh, and Ronaya.**

* * *

**Be Dirk **

Yep, it is your building.

After a decent search, you find out that both Dave and Bro made it out of the building. Lil cal is still stuck inside.

"I'll miss him." Bro holds his hat to his chest, a symbol of respect. With no hat, you do the next best thing and clutch the iron-on hat on your shirt.

A few words run through your mind. You close your eyes, small dots swirling from the pressure.

"What are you doing? The fire truck is going to run you over!" Dave calls from the sidewalk. You pick up your head and your vision is blocked by a bright red truck. Bro pulls you away.

After being dragged to the sidewalk and pretty much dropped onto the grass, Bro starts yelling.

"What the hell, Dirk! You could have gotten hurt!" Bro's eyes bug behind his glasses.

"I don't know what I was thinking…"

"Oh, really?" Bro sighs, pulling you close. You squirm in his warm touch. It's not often he breaks his poker-face act but when he does, it tends to disturb you.

Dave whistles behind you, rocking on his heels. Bro lets go.

"Do that again and you're fucked." Bro laughs. He turns toward the building.

The fire is dying down, hissing under the cold water. Your apartment is in shambles. Where will you live now?

Almost as if he had telepathy, Dave answers your question. "Guess we are living with Rox now."

**Be Roxy**

Once again you are Roxy and you immediately regret it. After Rose got over her stupid little joke, she continued her 'soul search' and you broke down. Everything you knew, you told. It was like a large, filled matini glass was lifted from your shoulder. Just for a new, bigger one to replace it.

Would she tell? Would she laugh at you?

Would she even take you seriously?

When the last of your used-to-be secrets dripped out of your mouth like molasses, Rose shut her notebook and waked over to you. Her hand outstretched.

Slightly confused, you shake it.

"Thank you for entrusting me with such information. I hope you feel better." Rose nods her head a final time and leaves, her phone in hand. From your spot, you can hear a faint ringing.

_Oh great. _You think, _She's calling her girlfriend._

As Rose converses with her, what would you call it, therapy- friend(?), you slip out of the room and run upstairs. You sneakers clunk against the hard wood.

You throw yourself onto your bed, sinking into the squishy softness. Your body relaxes.

timeausTestified is now pestering tipsyGnostalgic:

TT: Yo, Rox, are you there?

TT: Big trouble by my house.

TG: What's up

TT: Let's just say all I see is red

TG: You got new red glasses?

TT: no

TT: Not even close

TG: umm then what

TT: My apartment is on fire

TG: Oh

TG: wait WHAT?

TG: Get over here

TT: Hold on, Bro says we have to wait till the fire's gone

TG: Are you alright?

TT: Yea. So is dave.

TG: Good. :3

TT: Lil cal is probably dead though

TT: I don't know if that counts as alright.

TG: Nope

TG: Is the fire gone now?

TT: no

TG: what the fuck? You left my house, like,

TG: an hour ago

TT: the fire didn't immediately start once I stepped foot off your property

TG: I guess you're right

TG: Soooooo

TT: Are you feeling any better?

TG: omigod my stomach is goin to explode any moment.

TT: You, know what, if you feel that bad, I can live in the burnt remains of my apartment. I'm sure Bro wouldn't mind.

TG: You get your sexy ass over here

TT: …

**Be dirk, again**

Geez, you are always this guy. Is there no other people?

Right, just be dirk for now.

You just pestered Roxy and she is set on you going to her house.

"Yo, bro, can I go back to Roxy's house?" You point Roxy's direction.

Dave intercepts.

"Oooh, why? So you two can make-out?" Dave smirks. You blush, and lean against a pine tree. The shade covers the red rash-like color spreading across your face. Dave lightly punches your shoulder.

"Nah, I'm just kidding. I know you like guys."

"I do _not._"

"Pff, dude it's fine. You know about my friend…" Dave stops, checking for any signs of Bro. With the coast clear, he lowers his voice.

"John's cool." He whispers.

"More than cool, you like him."

"well, duh, I told you about it."

You smile. You hated Dave, but he was the best brother you could have. Not biologically, of course. But since you earned this planet, you two stuck together like peanut butter to the roof of your mouth.

"I guess I like Jake." You mumble.

"J names are soo attractive." Dave dreamily(and ironically) looks up at the clouds of ash and smoke. He sighs.

"Dude, that means you like Jade and Jane."

"I _used _to like Jade. Now she knows this girl, what was her name, Fergie?"

"Feferi."

"Same thing." Dave rolls his eyes.

"Do you wish you could still go out with her?"

"Jade? A little, but everyone feels that after a hard breakup. I remember when you and Jake broke up."

"You weren't even there. Besides, I'm almost positive he still has feelings for me."

"Tell that to Mrs. Betty Crocker."

"It's Jane." You correct.

"Whatever. She likes Jake too."

"So does Roxy." You add. Dave raises his eyebrows, backing up a little bit.

"Oh. That must suck."

"Damn right. For my sake, she backed out."

"What is this, the Jake race? Whoever gets to the finish line gets to kiss your favorite british adventurer, Jake English!" Dave mocks an announcer, his voice dropping to a fake deepness.

"And, if you get there in under a year, you can win a token of gratitude from John Egbert!"

"Fuck off." Dave giggles like a little girl. His voice cracks.

"Alright, I think we've had enough fun. I have to visit Roxy."

"Can I come? Roxy is claming to be my 'sister' and I want to give her a sis hug."

"Sure. Only if I get a bro hug." You outstretch your arms. Dave squints and quickly hugs you, the actual hands-wrapped-around-you part lasting a millisecond.

"Uggh, you're all sweaty."

"The sweaty-er the better little bro."

"Stop calling me that." Dave pushes away from you.

After alerting Bro of your destination, you skate off into the distance, the smell of burned smuppet drifting away.


	3. Chapter 3- Meet Jake

**Be Jake**

Across town, you are now Jake English.

You are sitting across from your new 'sister', with your laptop in your lap. You've been trying to chat with your ex for a while. Changing from lying down, to being upside-down, to sitting with your feet propped on the coffee table, you've had a bit of time on your hands. As in, you are bored out of your mind.

You tried hunting but all you found was a baby tinkerbull and you wouldn't hurt a baby. Geese were too boring to hunt.

Then you tried talking to Jade but she's too busy on squiddles or whatever girls do. You don't know her as well as you wish you did. Striking up a conversation was like voluntarily signing up for the end of health class. Jade would give you a weird look, answer your sentence (even if it wasn't a question) and high-tail it out of there.

Rose and Dave told you she usually wasn't like that so her behavior confused you. After a good half-hour contemplating the whole situation, you decided that she was just shy. You mean, the first week Dave didn't even look at Dirk.

But nevermind her, you get up from your spot, an imprint left on the couch. Jade looks up from her laptop, then looks back at the screen. You turn to the kitchen.

Inside the kitchen a silver phone sits in your hand. Do you dare call him? Ever since last year he's been ignoring you. Every time you saw his name, whether it been on old pictures or logged on pesterchum, your heart ached. It physically ached, a small twang on the musical heart beating in your chest.

Or, whatever. You don't mean to get deep, it just happens.

God, is this why Janey won't speak to you either?

Ever since you landed on this new planet, she moved in with John. Sure, she'd still bring you cakes, but she looked so distressed everytime you looked at her. Like she forgot her lines on stage.

"Call him." A voice calls from the living room.

"No!" You put the phone back on the receiver, you're face feeling hot.

"You're such a big baby! I'm sure he still likes you. I mean, who else does he have?"

You sigh. "I just don't know if I like him."

"Oh. Then call Jane!"

You press the buttons, then press the phone up to your ear. Leaning against the counter, a slightly-southern accent echoes into the phone.

"Jake? Is that you?"

"No, I'm an elephant." You deadpan. Was there a reason you called? Dang it, Jade, why do you have to have good ideas?

"Oh, well I guess I have the wrong number.."

"It's me, jake."

"I know _that. _I thought I'd mess with you." Jane giggled. She sounded rehearsed.

"That's real funny Janey."

"Thanks! Y'know, I don't play any pranks on you guys anymore. Should I start that again?"

"Don't ask me. If you like, pranks then you do that."

"Hehe, guess I'll have to see you soon then."

Her giggles soon turn into nervous 'hehes'. She coughs, cutting the conversation short. You tap your fingers against the marble counters.

"Talk to you later?" You head for the end button. Jade is watching from the living room.

"WAIT! Um…wait. I, c-can i…oh geez. I'll call you later. John needs me." Jane loses her breath, she voice strained.

The phone clicks off.

Looking behind you, Jade is nowhere to be seen. Thank god, that display was definitely a bit too much for her handle. Jade was on the childish side. She couldn't handle, well, is that a relationship? That's what Roxy thought.

Good golly, you haven't spoken to Roxy in a while either!

Where have you been for the last few months? Out adventuring, right. You wish you had seen them more.

Or at all.

**Be Jade**

Uggh, Jake was _such _a pain. You mean, c'mon, it obvious he has a crush on someone. He just can't tell who. In your opinion Jane was the one. Dave thought otherwise.

After the breakup, Dave was still your friend. You argued a bit more but that never went as far as Dave and John.

John hadn't spoken to Dave in _forever._

But forget about them, boys are boring. You are Jade Harley for crying out loud! And you need to shoot something.

No, not Jake. That's for another time. If what Jane said was right, you're saving bullets for when he talks about Dirk on Pesterchum. Good grief.

What you really want to shoot is some geese. Its fall and they are spread across the sky as thick as clouds. Plus, with Grandpa and Bec across the state at a gun festival, you needed dinner. Hamburger helper wasn't cutting it. Not without meat anyway.

You open the door, a cool breeze brushing past your skirt. Golden leaves are scattered across the lawn. Your polished shotgun is at your side. You smile as honks join into a choir and play in the evening sky. You set off for the forest.

**Be Dave:**

You are now coolkid and you don't want to see Rose anymore.

About halfway to Rose's house, you think about John.

God, that guy is the best. Better than the best, the bestest best. Sure, let's go with that. His blue eyes burnt a hole in the back of your brain. It wasn't like that cute little pin prick Jade left. It was a huge hole implanted in the back of your skull, tormenting you to no end. That fluffy hair, those idiotic Nic Cage movies you ironically liked. Widening the hole each time you thought about him.

Oh great, now you HAD to see him.

"Hey, Bro. I know this is stupid but you think I could hang out at Egbert's for a bit." You rush through that last part, muffling your voice with your sleeve. Dirk jumps off his board to look at you.

"Are you going to see…_john? _Why, isn't he the _bee's knees!_" Dirk lifts a leg, letting his skateboard drift into the curb. His eyelashes flutter and his hands are clasped.

"Oh shut up. I thought we were on good terms here."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Just be at Rolal's place in a few hours."

"Bro, you have no idea how much I love you for this."

"Gross." Dirk retrieves his skateboard and continues up the block. You turn around, cutting through the forest. The trees fly by as you skate over little hills.

You shiver is your light t-shirt. The wind travels over and under your sunglasses, stinging your eyes. Now, with your hands over your sunglasses, you realize that's not the best idea and swerve off course. You are shot into the air.

As you slow-motion flip and flail, a soft gasp and a gunshot ring in your ears. You land, your glasses cracking.

"D-dave?" The soft voice kneels in front of you. Opening your bright-red eyes, you are met with the one person you really didn't want to see right now.

"Jade?"


	4. Chapter 4- DavexJade, the lost love

**Be Dirk**

You are now Dirk again. You have arrived at the Lalonde residence and have explained your situation.

Roxy feels a bit better, gaining the energy to come downstairs and apologize for her behavior. You accept the apology, although there was nothing to say sorry about, and invite her sit. Rose watched Roxy as she slowly scoots closer and closer to you.

"So, Dirk, what do you want for your birthday?"

"An apartment."

"Haha, yea right. You can stay with us!" Roxy exclaims. Rose starts to intervene, but Roxy stops her and begins to plan out where you would sleep.

"Rox, I'm sure Bro wouldn't let us sleep here."

"Then where? The street?" Roxy points to the road outside. It looks awfully cold.

"I think I've proved my point." Roxy nods and continues talking. You sigh.

"Sweetie, you can always say with us." Roxy's mom enters the room and pats your hair down. You grumble and style it again.

Once Rose and Roxy leave, Mom stays behind. A glass of wine is her hand. Although she is heavily drunk, she manages to stay professional while speaking with you.

The conversation spreads from the fire to a living situation to how Bro is doing without you-know-who. The answer was he wasn't doing well. Luckily Bro was poker-emotioned enough to speak with roxy's mom and let you and Dave stay for a while. It was debated the exact amount of time but that wasn't the most important thing on your mind.

As the phone mumbled with Bro's complains, your eyes drifted to the street. Where _was _Dave? And what was happening between him and Egbert?

If Dave played his cards right, he was probably making out with that derp in a closet while Dad Egbert was baking another one of his delicious cakes.

If Dave was the Dave you knew, he was probably sulking home after an embarrassing cover story. Dad Egbert still was making cakes.

**Be Dave**

Speaking of Dave, let's be him now.

You are looking up at your ex. She has her shotgun, which can't be good, and her arms are crossed.

"Well well well. Guess whose luck just ran out."

"Mine?"

"Hmph. I should have known better. You are EVERYWHERE." Jade places her gun back in her sylladex, standing back up. Her red shoes are inches away from your face.

"So? Geez, can't a guy visit his good friend."

"I never said I was your friend."

"Not you. Egbert." Without opening your eyes, you grab for your glasses. You hand blindly reaches for air.

"John? You want to talk to him?"

"No. I'm going over there to pet a squirrel."

"Wow. You know, you're a larger jerk than I thought you were."

"Me? Jade, you won't even help me find my sunglasses. Then, maybe, I could talk to you like a normal person."

In spite, you roll onto your back. Your arms are mimicking Jade's.

Jade sniffs. Her hand drifts to her shotgun, leaning on her hip. When you don't move, Jade softens and kicks your glasses out from under her shoe. You open your eye one thousandths of an inch and snatch them.

"Happy now?"

"Not really. It was worth a shot." You stumble onto your feet, your glasses hanging off your face. Jades face is shattered in from the dark glass.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Jade taps her foot, checking her wrist for the time on an imaginary watch.

"You."

"What a specific conversation. You sure have a way with words."

"For the love of god, Jade, can you pretend like we are actually friends?"

"You mean _were._ We were friends, until you messed everything up."

"I didn't do anything. You were the one who decided to sell your heart to a fish girl." You lash out.

"Feferi is a wonderful troll who has a lot better morals than you."

"I bet you don't even like her. You just wanted to get away from me."

"And if I did?"

"That really hurts."

"W-what?"

"I thought I did something wrong. I cared for you and talked to you about things my bro didn't even know about. And you did the same. You helped me talk to Dirk and even think about losing the shades. I thought we had something. Do you see how much I thought? Well, I guess I'm a bad thinker because just when I finally felt included, like I had nothing to hide, you turned your back and left. Straight out abandoned me. I was heartbroken. I had never loved anyone as much as you. We were soulmates. Oh look, I said _were. _Guess we're on the same page now."

"Dave, I never knew—"

"You don't know a lot of things Harley. And, to help you understand they already obvious, I'm over you. I have someone else in mind and I'm going to see him right now. If you don't mind, I'd like to be on my way."

"John? You..."

You don't respond. Your face is in flames as you return to your skateboard and leave the flustered girl behind you.

**Be Jade**

You watch Dave skate away, his red outfit fading into a speck. Your eyes are rimmed with tears.

_He really liked me. _You think. _And I pushed him away. I'm such an idiot!_

You sit where Dave lay just moments ago, hurt and open to talk. What were you thinking? The first time you talked in months and you spend it yelling at him. Putting him down. This wasn't you. You were the happy-go-lucky Harley who also happened to be able to transport planets.

But you were different around him. Even after the big fight just months ago, you still had a floaty feeling when his shades sparkled under the sun. Your heart jumped when he spoke.

Slumping, you admit to your worst nightmare.

You still like him.

And he doesn't like you.


	5. Chapter 5- Break-ups and broken hearts

**One-sided loves are the new thing, I'm afraid. Say good bye to JadexFeferi, and hello to a one-sided JadexDave.**

**But you already knew that was going to happen, didn't you?**

**So, while you think about ships that I may or may not be implanting here or there, let us turn to a troll. Sweet, bubbly Feferi.**

* * *

**Be Feferi**

Finally!

You are Feferi Peixes and you are the first troll to be introduced. (Haha, irony.)

Coming back from yet another argument with bossy Karkat, you just want to flop onto your human bed and lie there until all is right in the world. A.K.A a really long time.

Your girlfriend is somewhere on land, probably talking to her new…what was it.. oh, you can't remember. It's an odd lusus thing. Except it looks like her. Crazy right? If your lusus looked like you, you'd be a humongous white squiggly octopus. Hehe, you giggle just thinking about it.

Oh look, that gorgeous girl is pestering you.

gardenGnostic is now pestering cuttlefishCuller:

GG: hey, Feferi!

CC: )(i!

GG: so, I was thinking about some things.

GG: do you know Dave?

CC: Dave? No, not reely.

CC: )(e sounds nice! Glub.

GG: about that…

GG: oh, it's nothing.

CC: Good!

CC: By any c)(ance, are you going to Dirk's party?

GG: of course!

CC: I'm so –EXCIT-ED! I got )(im the perfin present!

GG: are they swords?

CC: ….

CC: well, great minds t)(ink alike!

You wait for Jade to respond. Does she have a back-up present? Is this about the thing she was going to tell you?

Is she okay?

Oh no! What if somefish got to her?

GG: Feferi?

CC: Glub! I thoug)(t you were dead! 38D

GG: WHAT?

GG: okay, well, I'm fine.

CC: )(e)(e

GG: can I ask you something?

CC: Shore! As long as it's not aboat –Eridan…

GG: I don't know who that is so I'm going to ask anyway

GG: do you love me?

CC: yes!

GG: I-

GG: I don't know if I love you.

CC: oh my cod.

CC: are you breaking up wit)( me?

GG: not exactly, I mean, yes, but, we can still be friends!

CC: 38(

GG: I'm reely sorry

GG: Look, I used a fish pun

CC: I )(ave to go.

GG: wait! Don't go!

GG: Feferi!

GG: augh!

You run out of the room, royal purple tears seeping through your fingers. The water around you swirls and you start to choke. Through a layer of purple you kneel on the floor, tucking your head. What did you do?

It was all your fault. Jade was trying her hardest and you….did _something. _

Grey fingers clench into fists and, with all your strength, pound on the wooden floor. You always mess things up! Eridan even backed off to hang out with Sollux!

YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Not fit to be an empress, that's for sure.

"Fef?"

"GO AWAY."

"I really need to talk to you. Sol and I broke up."

"Same here."

The fishy neighbor crouches beside you, velvet cape draping over your shoulders. You hadn't even noticed you were shaking.

"So, let me get this straight, Jade broke up wwith you, not the other wway around?"

"Yea. She glubbing announced right before I was going to ask if I could accompany her to Dirk's party."

"You don't need to go to that party. You have me right here to hang out wwith."

One last tear leaves the safety of your eye. Eridan wipes it away.

"I guess you're right. Want to watch a movie?"

Eridan hugs you until you can't breathe. That is answer enough.

**Be Rose**

You are now Rose Lalonde and Jade won't stop pestering you. From what your salvaged, you can assume she is having more relationship problems.

You can see where she is coming from, but you hardly have the time to meddle in such confusion. Dirk is moving into Roxy's room and the slow, whoosh-ing sound of the inflatable mattress is getting on your nerves. The walls are as thin as paper.

As for Dave, you are unsure of his current whereabouts but Jade mentioned John somewhere in her piles of words.

Roxy is standing over your shoulder, trying to console poor Jade. Everytime you try to write, she will lightly move your hands to the side and type short, to-the-point blurbs. Jade doesn't understand why there is so many cat faces at the end of 'your' sentences.

Other than that, today was going as planned. That's no fun.

**Be windy boy**

You have gotten tired of being Rose, so you are switching to another new character. You are now John Egbert, and Dave Strider is standing at your door.

"Hi Dave!"

"Sup."

"What are you doing here? I have piano practice in ten minutes."

"That's the perfect amount of time. Let's go." Dave pulls your arm, dragging you to the living room. You plop onto the couch.

"O-okay."

"I have something to say and since it's stupid and ironic and all that bullshit, I'm saying here and now."

"Go ahead." You're not sure where this heading but by the sound of Dave's wheezy voice, you are quite uncomfortable.

"I have a confession."

"Um. Is it good?"

"Depends." Dave mysteriously leans into the couch. His poker face stares into your soul. You shift in your spot.

"Is this about Jade because…"

"I like you John."

"B-because—" You can't finish your sentence. Please, please say as a friend, please.

"Like like."

"Damnit!" You yell. Dave is taken aback.

"You are the best guy I have ever met." Dave takes your hands.

"Welcome to the friend zone, dude." You fake a smile, creating an awkward silence. Dave scratches his muddy hair. In the middle of a breath, Dave freezes. His eyes widen.

"You are not." Dave pulls away.

"Sorry."

"Sorry? That's it? I literally just exploded in front of Jade to get here and now you are rejecting me. Swell day I've had." Dave rushes through words, unsure whether to run or sob. You want to reach out and hug him, but that would just confuse him.

"Maybe, instead of going out, we can hang. Like old times."

"Who is it?" He growls.

"Who is who?"

"There is someone you like that's standing in my way. Who is it?" Dave demands. You blanche.

"N-nobody…I don't like anyone."

"Stop with crap. I know you like someone and it's my fucking duty to know who."

"It's karkat."

"What- that shit face?"

"I don't know, okay? I was so freaked out after the game, and he was there and… we may have kissed."

"…"

Dave shuts his eyes. His forehead is resting on his knees, bangs masking his face.

"I know." Dave mutters.

"That we were going out?"

"That you kissed. I was there at the end, remember? With Terezi?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And you two snuck off and left me to chase after. Terezi was worried so I followed behind, leaving enough space to not be suspicious."

"I thought I felt someone watching me!"

"You're making this sound a lot creepier that this has to be Egderp. I was making sure you don't miss the tour of the new planet."

Dave, still not looking at you, places his shades at his side. For some reason, they are cracked and bent.

"Continuing, I started hearing whispers. I don't know why, but they didn't disturb me. They were your voice, dude. I can only feel safe around you."

"Pff. Okay , how many shitty, ironic posters did you read to get this?"

"Three. So, I followed the sound and I thought I heard a yell. I thought it was you, so I continued through all the crappy hallways."

"The first place we found was a library."

"Thanks a lot. Guess who I passed by?"

You fidget in your spot. Glancing at the clock, its 5:30. With a sigh of relief, you jump up. Dave dodges your outstretched arm, hiding his eyes with the back of his hand.

"It's 5:30, you have to go."

"Throwing me out, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just remind me to get you new glasses. Isn't it your birthday soon?"

"Haha, the forgot-your-birthday joke." Dave chokes a strained 'ha' through his throat. You shut the door behind him and the chilly air.

Phew. That was a close one. If he had continued the story…oh man! How embarrassing!

Welp, all you have to do now is wait another hour for piano lessons. Sounds like someone forgot the piano practice prank. ;)

* * *

**P.S- Sorry if that was a little…everywhere. I just wanted to get the JadexFeferi and JohnxDave out of the way, so I could focus on Rox and Dirk. See you next chapter, when it's Dirk's B-day!**


	6. Chapter 6- Flashback

**Be Jake:**

After a trip across town you arrive at Dirk's house. It's a lot more girly than you thought, wizards adorning the front yard. Flowers stretch around the perimeter, with a joyful motherly figure watering them. That must be Roxy's mum. But if she is, then why is she….oh. Roxy has been copy and pasting conversations she had with Dirk and sending them to you. The last thing she mentioned, just before midnight, was that Dirk's apartment had set on fire. Apparently it was such a minor detail that she said it when your eyes drooped and your mouth was already drooling.

Not like you drool in your sleep…haha that's gross….

Aside from your sleeping habits, you mind is clear of past thoughts. You have to be positively peachy if you don't want to upset Dirk or remind him of his last birthday.

Okay, it's about time for a flashback:

_Last year you were having the best time at Dirk's. Roxy and Jade and everyone you knew were chatting over soda and laughing at cheesy jokes Dave had prepared. Dirk was still your boyfriend, currently dj-ing the party. You walk over to him, holding his present behind your back._

"_What's up?" Dirk lowers his headphone, wearing them around his neck._

"_I got you a present!"_

"_Sweet! Is it…anime?"_

"_Better!"_

"_Smuppets?"_

"_Dirk, if I got you smuppets, you'd be waking up from a dream right now."_

_Dirk laughs. With a nod to Dave, Dirk leaves his station. Dave takes over, the roof filled with dance music even Kanaya taps her foot to. Dirk follows you outside._

_You lean against the side wall. Your foot is propped up on the stained brick, mimicking Dirk's posture. Dirk is smiling._

"_Oh come on, don't tease me like this. What's in the box?"_

"_Since you want it so bad…" You thrust the box into Dirk's arms. Dirk tears away at the paper, revealing a picture of two tricksters, hand drawn. One of the two guys is green, the other a bright orange. Dirk glups, forcing his smile to stay up._

"_Do you like it?" You ask._

"_Yea, yea, you draw really well." Dirk starts to fidget and back away from you, to the main entrance of the apartments._

"_Dirk, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing nothing. The present's great." Dirk leans over, kissing the top of your head. You giggle as he leads you back to the party. On the roof, Roxy slings one arm over your shoulder._

"_Jake! Yu shald see all the wane hear!"_

"_Aren't you a little young?" You start to take the glass out of her hand. Roxy's face sours and she pulls away. She heads straight for Jane._

_You shrug it off, pulling yourself into a conversation with the alien girl. Her name, oh it's on the tip of your…Nepeta! The green girl with a knack for shipping. Yes, after the game ended, she watched over your relationship like a hawk. _

"_Hi Jake! I saw Dirk really sad. Is he okay?"_

"_I noticed him feeling a tad bit glum once I gave him a present."_

"_A Purresent? What was it?"_

"_It took me two hours, but I drew a picture of us as tricksters." Nepeta's eyebrows rise. She bites her lip with her sharp kitten teeth. _

"_Furm what mew told me, didn't mew too break up during trickfur mode?" You gasp. You barely remembered but in the back of your memory vault, a fuzzy video of you and Jane talking appeared. Zillions of babies, Dirk, and a marriage proposal to your dear blue friend. Good gosh, you had never seen the memory so vivid before._

"_Oh my gosh. H-he probably thinks…" Your voice trails off. Nepeta turns you in Dirk's direction. You drag your boots across the floor._

"_Hurry! You have to tell him that you don't mean it in a bad way!"_

"_I can't! I mean, gee wilikers I'm doomed." You look down, releasing the pressure on your feet. Nepeta pushes you forward._

"_You..are…not.. now go talk to him before Roxy gets to him!" Nepeta lets go, sending you spiraling backwards. Nepeta, swift as she is, trades spots with Dirk. You land in his strong arms._

"_Hey Dirk." You look up at him. His orange eyes are coated in hurt._

"_What?" Dirk sneers. You wince._

"_Um, well that picture I gave you—"_

"_You want to be with jane."_

"_No! Not at all! I really like you Dirk!" You stand up, legs floppy and unsteady._

"_Then why is Jane standing next to you and I'm in the corner?"_

"_I was just trying to be realistic."_

"_I get it. You think I'm to overbearing. I can't have fun, I'm a lump of crap." Dirk flings his hands in the air, narrowly avoiding Eridan. When Eridan stops staring at the looming hand, he gives you a look saying "Good luck man'. You nod._

"_That's not true. That picture was reminder of the good times we had during the game."_

"_That game was one of the worst things to happen to me!"_

"_How else would we have met?" You sneer. Your voice is sharp but Dirk is unwavering. His bright orange eyes flare._

_No no no, this was getting out of hand. This is not good, you are not going to hyperventilate, nope that is not you, you are strong and…and you are standing your ground. Jake English is who you are and love dodging is your game._

_Good pep talk right there. That should be in the history books._

"_You __**are**__ overbearing. All you do is complain about your stupid glasses." _

"_Me? You and your relationship problems crashed my phone last week!" Dirk pulls an iphone out of pocket. No matter how many times he presses the button, the phone won't turn on._

"_At least I have the guts to say 'em! Your glasses are metaphorically drooling over this hottie." You point to yourself, a new confidence rising in your lungs and out your mouth. You breathe a new air._

"_That was years ago. I was a stupid teen. Great to be reminded for the one millionth time." Dirk throws down his present. The present that you worked so hard on. _

"_And you haven't changed." You pick the paper off the dusty floor and tear it to shreds. Dirk grabs your wrist._

"_Dude" He warns. You look around, every eye staring at you. Nepeta dropped her teacup, Karkat silent for once in his life. The shreds of paper in your hand float to the ground._

"_I guess that's it then." Dirk throw his headphones into Dave's hands and leaves the room. The door slams behind him._

Yea, not a good birthday memento. Welp, it's a new year and you are cleaning the slate of hurt, the whiteboard of break-up, the notepad of despair.

Your hand inches from the door, Roxy flings it open, tackling you. Jane and a few trolls rush to the door.

"Oh great, another nooksniffer. When is wriggling-day boy getting here?" Karkat leaves the doorway. Nepeta pulls Roxy off you. Glitter is stuck to your jacket.

"Mew are just in time to help decorate! We've been using a lot of glitter and confurti and balloons!" Nepeta helps you inside, handing you several rolls of streamers. She points to the barren walls. "We have to hurry if we want this to be fur-nished in time!"

"I blew up all the red balloons!" A raspy voice calls from the other room.

"And I have green!" Jade starts to tie green balloons to chairs and the stairway. Terezi makes a dramatic entrance, red balloons following her, attached to silver ribbon.

Taking the tape from Kanaya's hands, you start to hang the streamers. Rose and Dave set up the music station. Things slowly start to fall into place. By the time the walls are finished, only one person has not arrived.

And he's skating up the driveway now.


	7. Chapter 7- Dirk and you-know-who

**Be Dirk:**

That's odd. Around Ro Lal's house is a bunch of cars and a surprisingly familiar minivan. Inside you can hear muffled speech and the clatter of shoes against hardwood flooring. You place your skateboard on the side of the porch.

Your pointy hair is striking against the eerie backdrop of fog. You have no idea why the hell your new planet decided to give you the birthday present of barely being able to see three inches in front of your eyes, but you are convinced that once the whole 'last birthday' shit is cleared from your muddled mind, the sun will peek through and shine a ray of 'I'm going to make your day a bit less shitter because I have a sliver of respect for you'.

As you walk up the steps, a sense of suspense tightening your chest, the sounds stop. The light from the windows disappears. Almost how a snap cuts through silence, the light is gone. You reach for the banister and find it with a solid grip.

You grab onto the door handle with one hand and fumble with your keys in the other. Opening the door, you almost have a heart attack.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIRK!"

"Holy crap, you guys did this for me?" You look around, smiling faces laughing at your facial expression. Jane wraps one arm over your shoulder.

"D. Strider finally decided to get here, huh? We've been waiting forever!"

"Well I would have picked which brand of hair gel I should get a little faster if I knew there were so many people waiting for me back here." You point to your hair and smile the signature strider smile.

"Speaking of waiting…" Roxy takes possession of your other shoulder and points to someone in the corner. Behind two blue trolls and a science-obsessed teenager stands the guy you knew you would have to see eventually. You realize you weren't breathing and take a large breath before walking towards the inevitable.

You knew he was here the whole time , you just didn't want to believe it. If you pushed away yesterday, tomorrow would never come. That's what you thought on the matter.

But your thoughts don't matter. Can you have thoughts at this point? Your mind is at a loss for metaphorical words. Of course he came but…he came? You are surprised and… not at the same time. Your confusion only tears at the edges of the full picture, though, as you reach your destination.

"Hey Dirk."

"Sup" You feel the same tightening in your chest as before, except stronger. Almost a new type of anxiety, bred from confusion and longing.

"How have you been?" Jake smiles. How the hell he so calm?

"C-cool. Fuck, okay dude I'm really sorry for what I did last year." You force a chunk of words through what is left of your closing throat. Your mouth prickles with dryness.

"It's alright." Jake outstretches his hand, "Friends?" Not exactly what you were planning, but too relieved to care, you shake his hand.

"Friends." You feel your muscles loosen and soon your whole body feels like a puddle of warm jello. Too warm. You are almost asleep.

* * *

"Dude, wake up. I'm not staying if this party sucks ass." Dave shoves you off the couch. Jake giggles at your brother antics. You light-heartedly groan.

"Whatever. At least you just didn't talk to someone you haven't seen in a year. It's exhausting."

"Egbert."

"That wasn't a year. Now go, leave me be. I'm sure your social life is a rose of ironic beauty and expired apple juice." You sit up, swirls spinning in your vision. How did you get on the couch? Upon returning to your seat, a present slides onto your lap. Dave 'parkours' over the back of the couch to the dj station.

Opening the present, you find a bright pink sticky note attached to a copy of Evil Dead. It reads "Hope you get more than just screams of terror tonight"

Without showing Jake the present, you disc back into the box. You face is a mixture of cringing and respect for your little bro.

You hear a drunken yell. Roxy calls you from upstairs.

* * *

**What a bro Dave is.**

**Anyway, I don't own Evil Dead. That stuff is too creepy for me.**


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